where i find myself

i don't feel like myself lately

but, to be honest, i cannot pin point a collection of words to describe "who i am" anyways

in roughly a week i undergo a familiar transition that will definitely put my identity to the test

im not too sure how i feel about this change but i know full well that change is good in itself

i do know that i feel stagnant-

i feel unacquainted with the ground i walk on 

i feel fat

i feel tempted to do bad things

i feel torn between ways of living

i feel like being honest -- brutally honest

i feel a slight connection to my spirit and my savior

i have lots of questions

i have plans to get away

i have a yearning to know the depths of agape 

i have dreams of connecting with people that are a million miles away

i have a fascination with the moon

night > day

read this on Elite Daily today & loved every word; take a read ---

"The moon is for things unseen, things done in the shadows and beneath the fog. Under bridges and beneath bed sheets — it’s for wild hearts and unconcerned minds. It’s where plans are made in dark alleyways and secrets revealed under the soft haze of light coming through the cracks of closed shutters.

It’s when fugitives escape and kids run away. It’s when girls lose their virginities on torn leather seats and boys get into trouble. It’s when the suffering take their lives and the lonely seek comfort.

It’s when we fall in love — that passionate, all-consuming, purposeful love that always looks a little different in the light of day.

The night is for passion. It’s for fanaticism, romance and trouble. It’s when your most tender, authentic and suppressed sides come out to play under the nonjudgmental eyes of the stars."

the great pacific coast highway n me

alittle bit ago i fulfilled my summer bucket list by taking a trek up the PCH north with some friends!

check out some pics from our adventure !!

1. the first night we stopped in santa barbara & crashed on the top of a boat! great start to the adventure

2. on the long ride we stopped at some pretty fields 

3. stopped in Ojai for some pizza, cider & boulders

4. Ojai, CA

5. stopped at some pretty fields on the long car ride

6. next stop: Scout Coffee in downtown SLO; this may have been my favorite spot!

7. arrived in Big Sur & explored Andrew Molera beach!

8. had to try the triple hammock stack

9. forest trek + beach = best of both worlds

10. our campgrounds 4 the night

11. just some pretty passenger seat scenery 

12. our first sighting of Big Sur

13. the most dreamy beach ever -> Julia Pfeiffer Burns Beach!

14. saw some horses and lured them in with our carrots

15. we had the prettiest view

16. in complete awe the first moment we walked on the beach

17. the closed off and secluded J.F.B. State Park Beach. WOAH. 

18. just a cool pic from breezy's camera of me n a cutie pie

19. Big Sur stop // lol @ my face

20. all smiles at this secret heaven on earth

21. Andrew Molera State Beach

22. thats a wrap! my road trip was one filled with adventure, surprise, and beauty!

currently

"Oh take it all away, I don't feel it anymore"


"I Don't Feel it Anymore" by William Fitzsimmons ft. Priscilla Ahn
LISTEN

"Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn't stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren't having any of those."
- Sylvia Plath 

! life update !

1. photoshootin' for fun

2. feelin' inspired while doodling in my moleskin

3. my sister graduated from UCI!

enjoying my job at Urban!

Milk & Honey w/ the boys!

Laguna Beach Tide Pools

Santa Monica fun!

Santa Monica Pier

vespa rides are my favorite

happy fourth!

Ace Hotel was a dream

Griffith City Lights

Downtown LA

capturing the sunset

lovely friends!

admiring the DTLA arts district

vegan ice cream!

skinny dipping in the ocean!

so blessed to know these humans

Afters Ice Cream was a hands down MUST TRY

Ace

risk-takers & self-protectors

on the subject of hurt, there are two kinds of people:

there are those that guard their hearts or distance themselves when they know it's doomed

when they know there is consequence, or a finite ending

these people look out for themselves--- which is good

they think realistically and logically

they refrain from engaging in something temporary because they know it will leave them empty

they know that people leave and promises are impossible to keep

i'd say these people are pretty smart-- but live life void of "what ifs" and "in the moments"

then there are those that quite literally wear their heart smack dab on their face

they are, also quite aware of certain doomdays or expiration dates 

what's different about these people is that they ignore them

they ignore the fact that everything and everyone around them will eventually let them down

rather than be concerned with their future well-being they choose to satisfy the present self

they choose to take every moment they have and spend it--- every drop of it

yes these people may live life with little regret, but i think these people are self-destructive

they allow their heart to be chipped away and taken with each person they come into contact with and while everyone else walks away with a piece, they are left empty

these people completely drown themselves with what is right in front of them and forgot to protect themselves for what is to come

i. am a risk-taker.

i choose to fill my heart in the moment even if i know that it will be broken tomorrow. 

i always take the risk.

i. 

am left empty.