the good stuff

I'm just now starting to realize that people never warn you about the hard things in life. They'll never be real with you and say, "Hey, this might not be what you expected and you might be let down. It could be a really shitty or depressing part of life for a moment." 

It isn't until your high expectations are rudely interrupted by the reality that nothing will ever be exactly as you imagined. It is only in the moments that you do not set standards and ideals that something beautiful and unexpected will come out of it. 

I'll be honest, college is really hard. Starting over is hard, and that's basically what happens when you go to college. No matter how many people smile through the pain and say everything's great, I know theres something. There's always something or someone that when reminded of, can make your heart ache, or your eyes water, or your mind wander. That right there is the good stuff. 

Now you might think, wait what? The moment you feel like you can't take it anymore, that's the 'good stuff'? I'd argue, yes it is.

Because in that very moment you're just being. You're feeling. You're in sync with the very emotions you were created to feel, and that's beauty. When you can cry, and scream, and fall to your knees you can just be present. You're alive and in touch with your senses. 

What can be better? The sadness fades, but for that very moment just embrace that life is hard. It's real. It's never going to be easy. So let yourself feel like shit for a couple minutes, then move on. You'd be surprised to find that you might not be the only one dealing with life, but you're the first one to be honest about it. 

Remember, this is the good stuff. When you can feel, even when you're sad or dissatisfied with life, that's when you find your identity. When you find yourself on your knees, at the end of your rope, that's when you are being shaped and grown. In those moments, you trying to figure out the emptiness inside you and what you're going to do about it. You're trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be. That's the very essence of our existence; to feel.

To feel the weight of loneliness, to feel lost, to feel joyful, to feel alive. 

So for now, just be. I don't mean soak in your misery, but be real with yourself and know it's okay to not be okay. 

You are growing, you are learning, you are feeling, therefore you are living. And THAT, is the good stuff. 

My weekend in pictures // Seattle, WA

Getting in the Pumpkin Spirit

Getting in the Pumpkin Spirit 

                             

                    

My lovely roommate and I ventured to the local Pumpkin Patch yesterday and got our dosage of halloween fun for the season. What a joyous time of year it is to be a child again---- playing in the mud, picking out pumpkins, frolicking through sunflowers.
I've been pondering long and hard about why us Californians obsess over this time of year and I think I'm starting to put my finger on it. When October leaves roll in and the long awaited boots and scarves are racked out, there is a crispness that fills the air. A type of air that fills up the lungs and provides new opportunity. Opportunity to start all over again and forget about the previous season and all its troubles. An opportunity to bury the scents and memories of summer and look forward into the future. Fall gives people the chance to smell new things, like pumpkins, rain, lattes, and pine cones. It's a time to hop on a plane and reunite with old times and friends. Fall gives people newness.  New adventures, new scents, new music, new skies, new opportunity.

"It already smells like fall, and I'm glad, because the summer smelt like you."  (KeyWrites.) 

Getting in the Pumpkin Spirit

fading faces

Something I've realized: This is the time that friendships either sustain or drown

Just as the leaves begin falling off their branches, the ever-lasting friendships created in high school are dwindling before your eyes

people pack away their memories in boxes and ship themselves off into the unknown, you can't help but wonder: will things ever be the same?

growing up is molding people into mere photographs and memories.

the more faces I meet, the more I have to let certain ones go

so many faces

beautiful faces that are slowly fading